1.7 Disagreements

Out of nowhere 3 years had passed since the triplets were born. It happened so fast, we didn't even get to throw them a birthday party.

Pic 1: Camille
Pic 2: James
Pic 3: Rie

Bernard and Hans also played well together. They loved to dress up as tyrannosaurus rex and play pretend.

They were very close. In all, we were a very tight knit family. The two of them didn't have many friends in school, as they spend all of their time together. Sometimes I was worried that it might be unhealthy, as Bernard was going to be a teenager in a couple of years time. I knew they would grow from each other, but i feared Hans' reaction to it all.
I felt guilty not spending so much time with my oldest sons, because i had to spend almost all my time looking after the triplets. And it wasn't always fun and games. I had to teach them how to walk and talk and potty train them. I hated to dispose of the potty content. It was disgusting, but it was all part of being a parent, so i put up with it.

Then there was Bob.
He spend all his time working. And when he wasn't working, he was writing or practicing his charisma so he could get his next promotion. It get it. Money was tight and we could bare afford living. But i missed so much the times before having kids, when it was just the two of us, lounging on the couch in front of the tv. I wish i could be a young adult again. I wish i could have my dream again. I had decided i wanted to go back to work when the triplets were at school age. Then they would be big enough to take care of them selves for a little while, while their parents were at work.
I felt like my grave was just waiting around the corner. Sometimes i thought of what my life would have been like if i had only had two children. Maybe i would be playing guitar at concerts around the world, going on tour with a band. Maybe, maybe... What good is maybe when you can't change back time. I love all my kids to heaven and back, but yes, sometimes i wish i hadn't had all those kids. My life would have been so much different.

One Tuesday morning, mid July, we got a phone call. Mags had passed on in her sleep the night before. She had spend the past year at a nursing home in the outskirts of town. We felt guilty not having visited her more often. We just couldn't find the time for it. Still, that didn't remove the guilt from our hearts.

I spend more and more nights alone, eating dinner just by myself, while Bob was busy preparing for work. I was so fed up with him. I felt anger inside of me. I felt abandoned.
I suddenly stood up. Every time i tried talking to him about it, he said he was too busy and we had to take it some other time, but there were never another time. Now was the time to face him with our troubles.

"Honey? I need to talk to you." I had walked in to the living room where he was practicing his charisma in front of the mirror.
"Alyca, can't you see i'm busy?" He snapped at me.
I was hurt. This was not going to be easy. I tried to keep it civil though.
"It won't take long." I pressed on.
"Fine," he said in an a voice that clearly stated he found this an annoying interruption. "What?"
"I want you to listen to what i have to say. I feel like you don't see me anymore. I need more love from you, more tenderness."

"Honey, we've been over this. I love you, but I need to get the next promotion. I'm so close, i can feel it in my heart!" His eyes lit up when he talked. "If you just take care of the kids, I'll handle the money. Don't worry, everything will be fine." This was the last straw.
"I can't take this anymore!" I suddenly burst out, far louder than i meant to be. "All you think about is your job and money. Do you ever think about your family? They are your kids too, you know! I need help. I can't keep doing this by my self anymore!" I felt the anger course through my body as i expressed my hurt and frustration.

"Woow, easy now," He actually looked a bit scared. "Well, I have to do my job, but what about we hired a nanny to help you out with the kids? Wouldn't that be great?"
A nanny? I felt my anger be replaced by a new emotion i couldn't quite explain. "I don't know about this. Are you sure? It would have to be a live-in nanny in order for this to work." He looked relieved that i wasn't biting his head off anymore.
"Yes, a live-in nanny would be great. I'll help you find one suitable." We didn't exactly hug afterwards. We had an understanding about the situation now. He knew i needed help, and i knew we could really use the money from his next promotion. Or just a raise would be good too.

The next day we went to work trying to find a nanny. We searched articles in the newspaper and the computer, but to no avail. We ended up posting a "Help wanted!" on a website for nannies. Hopefully we wouldn't have to wait too long.